Bumper Stickers & Cool Remarks

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• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

• Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.

• Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

• IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

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• What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

• I had amnesia once — or twice.

• BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

• Enjoy life: this is not a rehearsal.

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• Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

• Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time

• That must be wonderful! I don’t understand it at all.

• I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Low Fat Recipes

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• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

• Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

• Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

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• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

• When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

• Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

• Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

• You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

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• Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

• It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

• Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

• Gravity should not be responsible when people fall in love.

• A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head.

Graphic Humor

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• When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

• I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

• Secrecy is the enemy of efficiency… but don’t let anyone know it.

• You’re either part of the problem, or you’re part of the Solution!

• Pardon my driving; I’m reloading.

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